two versions of a poem i wrote for anders

Version 1

When I think of you
I feel your shaking hands grab hold of mine
Giving me relief
As I lay hurting in a castle of white beds and bandages
I search your clear blue eyes for any hesitation
In the way you love me
None
The elation overwhelms
And my lungs forget to breathe
I wear a scar on my side as proof that on that day
My soul was sewn together with yours

When I think of you
I smell the sweet dew from that night
We biked and lay in the grass on the side of the road
Where the sky refused to shut its eyes
And succumb
To a blanket of darkness

But now I lay
Under these worn out bed sheets
With cold thighs
Wishing I could feel your pulse drum
Through your hot skin
A quickening rhythm on my back

I want to watch you trace your fingers
Playing connect the dots
On my universe of freckles
I call my body

And after our fun and games
I want to dream beside you
And wake up
Making those dreams come true

But for now
I count the months, minutes, and moments
Watching them slip on by
As I drag my feet through this tough world
Feeling only half a person
Terrified to be alone
I want to make memories
I wish you were here




Version 2

When I think of you
I feel your shaking hands grab hold of mine
Giving me relief
As I lay hurting in a castle of white beds and bandages
I search your clear blue eyes for any hesitation
In the way you love me
None
The elation overwhelms
And my lungs forget to breathe
I wear a scar on my side as proof that on that day
My soul was sewn together with yours

When I think of you
I taste the tangy bubbles of Villa Farris
Dance a doh-see-doh on my tongue
As I chug yet another bottle
Of bubble gum flavored soda

When I think of you
I hear laughter and the chatter of passers-by
While we rest on splintering wood
In the hot sunlight
Between fishing boats
And bug eyed tourists
On aker brygge

When I think of you
I smell the sweet dew from that night
We biked and lay in the grass on the side of the road
Where the sky refused to shut its eyes
And succumb
To a blanket of darkness

When I think of you
I see a future of toothy smiles
And bad hair days
Adorned with milk spills
And screaming children
Yet I set the purest form of happiness
And it is beautiful